Post-Game… courtesy of Tyler (get the popcorn)

(Note: tonight’s post-game was written by our very good friend, the quasi-retired All-World blogger Tyler from The Triple Deke. While he is enjoying his time in metaphorical Florida, playing shuffleboard and eating dinner at 3pm, he has an open invitation to contribute here — and we hope he takes us up on it, or — at least — re-opens the doors to the mecca that was TTD.)

Well, what an honor this is, gracing the pages of The Production Line, a site that I remember reading about as a little boy in Sports Illustrated, and a site that one John Keating described as, “Prime naked reading with the lights out material” live, on the air, while eating a bushel of curly fries in the mold of Chris Hollis’ head.  Definitely the high point in my life, I’d say. I just wish the high point of my entire life were graced with tiny golden giraffes and strippers strewn about on the furniture like a week’s worth of laundry.  Instead there’s 26 empty Vernors cans, a picture I drew of me and Mike Babcock in a 3-legged sack race, and a cat licking his balls.  Fuck me.

To the game bullets!

  • Jeff Carter was out as he continues to nurse a hairline fracture. What a pussy. Ryan Getzlaf has been playing with this injury for like four straight years.
  • Larry Murphy on Shea Weber’s $2,500 fine: “That’s a non-suspension”.  Which is sort of like saying a tree is a non-suspension. So is an apple pie. So is a speeding ticket. So is James Earl Jones. None of these things are suspensions.
  • Red Wings are 5-0-0-(0?) for the first time in four decades.  When contacted by the media the Detroit Lions responded, “CAN WE JUST HAVE ONE FUCKING THING?”
  • Mickey Redmond called the suspension-laden preseason, “The ol’ spend a nickel to make a dime theory.”  I’ve never heard this phrase, but I always enjoy new synonyms for “New York Islanders”.
  • FSD showed a cool clip of Datsyuk and Hudler working at Tim Horton’s and surprising customers.  Datsyuk apparently signed a coffee cup for one lucky fan while working the drive-thru.  While most professional athletes would simply sign their name, Datsyuk wrote, “Working conditions not good.  Weird animals out by trash dumpsters.  Possible Chupacabra situation.  Send help.” Datsyuk was later seen fending off a confused Jiri Hudler with a spork.
  • Tomorrow against the Capitals, Nick Lidstrom will become just the 4th Red Wing to play in his 1500th game. What I find especially incredible is that he hasn’t missed a game since the 2008-09 season. In playing all 82 games in both the ’09-10 and ’10-11 seasons, he became the first NHL player aged 38 or older to play a full season in back-to-back years. And yet, that still doesn’t sound quite as ridiculous as this: He’s been in every EA Sports hockey video game except the very first one, which I think was played with a bag of marbles and 12-sided dice.
  • Franzen playing center, Filppula playing wing: 3 goals and 7 points for them on the night. During postgame, Fil told Trevor Thompson that the Mule passed over a hat trick because of how his goal-scoring luck panned out the last time he had a hat trick. Oh come on, Mulo – it wasn’t so bad! What, like 2 goals over the last 3 months and a number of folks on the webs, including this site, and the guy currently writing this sentence, maybe, talking about how moving you wouldn’t be such a bad idea?  Yeah I’m kind of glad Fil got the empty netter.
  • Overall, pretty good win considering the Wings had 33 shots-against and double-digit giveaways.  When you win by three and look mediocre doing it, coming off another huge layoff, that has to be a good sign. Honestly, after looking at how the schedule was set up, if you told me at the start of the year that we’d be 5-0-0, I’d be very surprised.  So I am now pleasantly surprised. Because I’m not a liar.
  • Since Petrella isn’t here, I’ll take a wild guess at what was going through his mind when Ericsson fought Derek Dorsett:

“Man, It feels great being Michael Petrella, considering I base my entire worth as a human being around the curb-stomping I put on Tyler in that euchre game at H2H2 that I’m sure he’s still bitter about and can’t get over, which feels amazing because I totally got away with cheating and he doesn’t know it hahaha. I am good-looking .”

/gloves dropped/

“This fuckwit.  Looks like a drunk mummy trying to unhook Frank Costanza’s bra.  Bet he’s one of those people who buys paper plates so he doesn’t have to do dishes, only he then ends up using the paper plates for every other daily task out of laziness, like leaving notes or using them as coasters. This is totally a thing by the way, Self, you are definitely not crazy. People do this. You may have crazy thoughts from time-to-time, but this is not one of them. You are still good-looking.”

/fight/

“Hey, not too shabby, Shitbox. I’d say he looks more like a mummy after just two drinks, and instead of Frank Costanza’s bra, it’s more like Mila Kunis’ bra.  Not that he could get with Mila Kunis, because if he did I would kill myself. I would fucking kill myself. Everything that I know about this planet would be upside-down and black would be white and dogs and cats and Bea Arthur doing Zumba–”

/Mickey Redmond/ “ If he keeps punching the back of his head he’s gonna break his hand!”

“…. /Petrellagasm/….”

7 thoughts on “Post-Game… courtesy of Tyler (get the popcorn)”

  1. Now I know what has been wrong in my life:  NOT ENOUGH TYLER!  Funny stuff, as usual–hopefully this isn’t the last of your posts, wherever they may appear.

  2. Jesus Christ. It’s not even a competition. Why the fuck did you retire again?  You’re like Barry Sanders.  YOU STILL HAVE MUCH TO GIVE!

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