Oct. 27 :: TPL vs. The Suck

Editor’s Note: Yes, I’ve lost my mind.

WHAT’S ALL THIS THEN?
Team TPL heads into battle yet again against a foe that knows no mercy: a day without Red Wings hockey. Wednesday. All day. 24 hours of mind-numbing boredom and incessant scouring of Khan articles for something worthwhile to write about.

WHAT’S THE BIG IDEA?
The Wings last played in December of 1992, securing a 3-1 win over the Winnipeg Jets. That came hot on the heels of a spectacular 4-3 victory over the Hartford Whalers, who were fresh off of a 3-3 tie against the Quebec Nordiques due to the fact that the winning goal was called back because of a two line pass.

NOW WHERE WERE WE?
Well, let’s see. When we last saw our TPL heroes, Disch was doing his best “Hitch” impersonation with his Mom, Petrella was putting on the war paint, and this humble blogger was staring at a picture of a rabbit with a pancake on its head, trying to find the inspiration to fight through a case of writers block the size of Dan Cloutier’s five-hole (HEYYO!).

OH, HI AGAIN.
My desk is in the same place I left it last night (which was also sans Red Wings. As was the night before.) Couch? Yep, still there. Full size Fathead of Triple Deke Tyler? Still above my bed.

MEMBA ME?!
Today = Yesterday = The Day Before Yesterday = And the Day Before That Too. Cue Bill Murray.

BEST NAME NOMINEE
“Riggy Shitbox”. Best thing I’ve read all week.

THEIR LAST GAMES
:: Disch likely dominated a sixer of Shiner Bock, Petrella remained chained to his desk somewhere in Manhattan and I suffered through an episode of DVR’d Gossip Girl with the lady.
:: Tuesday was in complete control from start to finish, much like Wednesday probably will be. Methodical. Surgeon-like in its pain-inducing precision.

EXPECTED LINEUP
Press Release — Disch — Jim Beam
What Not to Wear — Petrella — Train ride to Brooklyn
Couch — Hollis — DVR’d Detroit 1-8-7

Injuries
Chris “Another Brick in the Wall” Hollis [writer’s block]

THE FIVE HOLE
1. I’m tempted to make tacos for dinner tonight, but I feel like those should only be rolled out on special occasions. Kraft Mac and Cheese it is.
2. Apparently there was a big upset last night in Dancing With the Stars. I’ll try and get the scoop from Mama Hollis today. Stay tuned.
3. In other news, Jiri Hudler is still without a goal.
4. Those wall mounted heaters in apartments? Super efficient. Can’t believe how well it warmed the house last night.
5. Oxy Clean really does get those whites even whiter. Dominated whites last night. Looking for a repeat against the colors this evening.

WHAT WE LEARNED AGAINST TUESDAY
The gym needs to re-stock the cleaning wipes. Nobody likes a dirty treadmill.

608 thoughts on “Oct. 27 :: TPL vs. The Suck”

  1. If Oxy Clean doesn’t get the job done, though, we can always have Zout called up, as it is good not only at whites but all colours, and I think we need a more well-rounded product in the lineup if Oxy Clean falters.

      1. Unfortunately my neighbour just came over after a hard day of labour. We’re going to watch our brand new colour telly, although I fear I may have to use the loo after too many pints, otherwise I may have an accident, and that would be pretty brutal, eh?

        1. “Oh, man — what a good bunch of partying at that discotech. Way awesome. I myself drank like five liters of beer. Any more and I would have ended up in hospital. I almost got sex on this girl. But it was so expensive, each drink was like six dollars forty.”

  2. A few points in response:
    The Cloutier beachball thing kills me every time
    The rabbit photo makes me hungry…strange? Dangerous?
    Last, I feel like you finally took me up on the writer’s block advice: Start writing. If that fails to produce content, start drinking. And if you’re still not inspired then start writing and drinking…or just head out all HST style into the desert with a trunk full of…and I quote:

    “…two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers… Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls.”

  3. Ouch Gossip girl. Luckily my lady doesn’t watch that. We’re on the final season of the Hills though, so I’ve got some empathy for you.

    Now to ride out this day to the end so I can go home and sleep off this agony, and hopefully find my traffic school completion certificate in the mail since it is due at the court tomorrow.

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