Jan 29 :: Odiforous, Orphalactygal, Nominations

Maybe if the Wings were tearing pieces of clothing off of 
Kristen Bell for each win, they wouldn’t play like they have been.


The Red Wings host the Predators. 7:30pm. Friday night. The Joe. 
1. Jason Williams is back in. Remember him? Me either. Shut up, Dorn. 
2. A bad start to this week. We needed to pick up 6 points or more, and we’ve only gotten one. The most we can get is five. And make no mistake, we need each of the remaining four. In case you haven’t noticed (“and judging by the attendance, you haven’t”), the Wings are still on the outside looking in.
3. Hey, a head-to-head with a team directly above us in the standings. Stop me if you’ve heard this before…but this seems like a great opportunity to blah blah blah blah blah.
The last time these two teams played was December 12th, at Nashville. The Wings were 3-2 overtime winners, with Chris Osgood in net. Drew Miller scored and Todd “OMFGZ!!!1!” Bertuzzi had his second of back-to-back two-goal efforts.
Since this is another repeat, here’s a quick rundown: Andy Delmore is the only player in either system to have spent time in the other. Patric Hornqvist is the BNN.
–Detroit got pimp-smacked, 5-2, on Wednesday. IT WASN’T OZZIE’S FAULT! LEAVE CHRISTNY ALONE!
–Nashville lost 3-2, to the BJs, on Tuesday.
–Detroit Red Wings :: 25-19-9 (3rd in Central, 9th in West) :: 11-11-5 on the road.
–Kansas City Scouts :: 29-20-3 (2nd in Central, 7th in West) :: 14-10-1 at home.
Hey, did you know they’re making a new Predators film? It’ll star known badass Adrien Brody, Morpheus, the Mexican guy from Grindhouse, and Eric Forman. Sounds like a gas!
Williams is in. Stuart left the Wild game after tweaking a shoulder, but apparently that was just a precaution: he’s in. Justin Abdelkader was sent back to Grand Rapids. Either Ville Leino or Brad May will be in the lineup – the other will be scratched. Same goes for Brett Lebda and Derek Meech. But the following are the morning skate lines…
Zetterberg — Datsyuk — Cleary
Williams — Filppula — Bertuzzi
Draper — Helm — Eaves
May — Miller — Maltby
Lidstrom — Rafalski
Kronwall — Stuart
Lebda — Ericsson
Howard (starting)
Nicknames inspired by Big Red Machine‘s Ellen and her love for Major League. A collaborative effort ensued…
Ville “Uh Oh! I Don’t Think This One’s Got the Distance” Leino
Derek “We’ve Got Uniforms and Everything – It’s Really Great” Meech
Andreas “We Shoulda Gotten The Live Chicken” Lilja
Johan “How’s Your Wife and My Kids” Franzen
Tomas “Personally, I Think We Got Hosed on That Call” Holmstrom
Honorable Mentions
Chris “You May Think I’m Shit Now But Someday You’ll Be Sorry You Cut Me” Osgood
Mikael “Juuuuuuust A Bit Outside” Samuelsson
Brad “Want Me To Drag Him Outta Here…Kick the Shit Out of Him?” May
Ville “Don’t Give Me This Ole Bullshit” Leino (H/T @mserven)
1. This is one of those times that you need to throw caution to the wind and make it happen. There will be no divine intervention (insert token “I say Fuck You Jobu I do it myself” line here), it’ll have to happen between whistles. No excuses – the team is nearly back to full strength, and this is the goddamn Predators we’re talking about – just get it done. Sixty minutes. SIX ZERO. 
2. Now that almost everyone is back in the lineup, it’s crunch time for the bottom half (Maltby, Miller, May, Leino) to show who stays and who goes. Obviously, not all of those guys will get a chance all at once — so the ones that are in have to prove they belong.
3. Jimmy Howard is back in net – he’ll need to show he’s not burnt out because Mike Babcock made it fairly clear on The Fan that Howie’s going to be the go-to guy when points are needed (read: now until April).
4. How’s Willy Vanilly going to look in his return to the lineup?
WHAT WE LEARNED vs. the Wild
Zero minutes of effort won’t equal a win. Who knew…
I asked JJ to fill in this time around, and told him not to hold back. Anything goes. And, like always, he delivered the goods. No text. Only photo:

Sexy. Get a win for this…lovely…woman?

212 thoughts on “Jan 29 :: Odiforous, Orphalactygal, Nominations”

  1. You know how I feel about Chris Osgood. That being said, his nickname made me literally laugh out loud at my desk. And I mean literally, loudly laughing. Nice work, Michael and Ellen.

  2. I am thinking if we don't start to win soon we might as well try to lose all the rest of our games and go for a high draft pick! Just kidding obviously but really… really what is it going to take to wake these guys up to realize we need to act like it is the playoffs now and play like we got a pair, or we may be watching from the couch instead of playing.

  3. Natalie — that one is all Ellen. She prefaced it with "I know it's only for scratches, but it's too good…"

    JB — Ditto. I'll NEVER root for the Wings to lose, whether it's a game or a championship, but if you asked me if I'd rather finish 17th or 30th, I gotta say 30th. I know that's not uber-fan of me, but look… if all is lost, might as well do something for your future.

    Ellen — I thought so too, about the May nickname. Because all he does is ask…not actually act on it. Like Wild Thing.

  4. I imagine that if he were a scratch, he'd be Kirk "we're outta towels and I'm too old to go diving into lockers" Maltby.

  5. JJ — an awesome example. I'm halfway tempted to come up with nicknames for EVERYONE, but other days it'd be tricky. Major League, on the other hand, would have been easy.

  6. "How's your wife and my kids" is by far the best line from that movie. Proud to say I've used that talking trash in roller hockey before.

    Regarding ex-players, don't forget that Andreas Lilja signed with Nashville before the lockout season, on a one-year deal. They rolled contracts over a year so he went right back to the free agent market where Detroit picked him up. Never suited up, obviously.

    Ah.. the stupid shit I remember.

  7. Kyle, 100% right. I remember Lilja being signed and then "dumped." I guess I only consider you a player if you PLAY for said team. HA

    I, too, have used "how's your wife and my kids" playing hockey. He must not have seen Major League because he was not pleased. It was men's league, too, during college, so he was about 20 years older than all of us. Picking fights with an actual college hockey team is not bright.

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