Dec 22nd :: Russ, Go Get the Hammer

Shitter's full.

WHEN AND WHERE?
Hey its me again. I don’t get celebrate holidays like a normal person, thanks to being a Master’s student, so I’ve got your next few pregames. In honor of the rest of the TPL team being out of town, today’s nickname theme is Christmas Vacation.

Red Wings vs. Flames, 9:30 PM Eastern. Game is on FSD and TSN, just like last night.

WHERE WERE WE?
:: Detroit fell to the Canucks in a game which should have been 3-2 if referees understood what goalie interference is.
:: Calgary beat the Wild 2-1 on Tuesday.
:: This is the second time playing against the Flames, in what was the last game of the Wings six game losing streak. The final score was 4-1, Danny Cleary being the lone goal scorer.

BEST NAME NOMINEE
I like saying Rene Borque’s name a bunch of times and pretending to be the Swedish chef. I was going to give it to Kostopoulos but he’s a dirty jawbreaker and doesn’t deserve anything nice said about him.

‘MEMBA ME?
Both Todd Bertuzzi and Ian White once played on the Flames.

OH, HI AGAIN
There are no former Wings on the Flames.

THE LINEUP (Assumed)
Franzen :: Datsyuk :: Bertuzzi
Filppula :: Zetterberg :: Hudler
Cleary :: Helm :: Miller
Abdelkader :: Emmerton :: Holmstrom

Nicklas Lidstrom :: Ian White
Brad Stuart :: Niklas Kronwall
Jakub Kindl :: Riggy Shitbox

Ty Conkblock
Tiberius Howard

SCRATCHES
Eaves [face]
Conner [hand]
Mursak [left ankle]
Commodore [Twittering]

The TPL Name Game “Three Stars”
Just like last season, submit your nickname suggestions (follow the theme!), and we’ll use our Facebook page to allow people to vote for the best… the winner gets a free TPL t-shirt!
PETRELLA:  Jonathan “You Check Our Shitters, Honey?” Ericsson
STEVIE: Jimmy “Alright Then, If You’re Not Man Enough To Put An End To This Shit, Then I Am.” Howard
HOLLIS: Jimmy “You Just March Over There And Slug That Creep In His Face” Howard
DISCH: Holidayin’

5 HOLE
:: So if you don’t know, I lived in Alaska for a summer. They have a delicacy, if you can call it that, called muktuk, that consists of whale blubber and skin that’s preserved by burying it in the permafrost. It is disgusting. It tastes like rotting fat, and its impossible to break down. Unless you spit it out, you will chew and chew and chew and the flavor will continue to permeate your mouth. I’m treating last night’s game like  a chunk of muktuk, and I’m spitting it out before that shitty flavor taints my palette. Even better, we have tonight’s game to continue to hopefully flush that flavor of dead whale away.
:: If we have to pick one player to watch out for, it would be Jarome Iginla. I like the guy when we’re not playing him, but in the last game he scored two goals and had one assist, and in the game before that (in the previous season) he also had two goals and one assist. The Wings can’t afford to leave him alone tonight.
:: The Flames are 12th in the West, with a 15-15-4 record. This could be one of those games that we should expect to win, except we all know how things go against this team, and I’m certainly not holding my breath.
:: I’m assuming they’re starting Kiprusoff, and besides Iginla, he might be the most dangerous player on the team, because when he’s on he is ON. This is coming from someone who watched his crazy infamous kicksave live in a San Jose game. He’s won 15 games, .915 save percentage, and a 2.49 GAA. Compare to tonight’s starting goaltender for the Wings. Conklin has a .889 save percentage and 3.27 GAA. Of course, Conks hasn’t gotten many opportunities to make up for his previous play, and I want to believe, but I feel kind of vomity about him starting.

INSPIRATION

Because we need some boob jokes after last night.

This way for some nip slips… I mean Freudian slips.

3 thoughts on “Dec 22nd :: Russ, Go Get the Hammer”

  1. Darren “Burn some dust here. Eat my rubber” Helm

    Jonathan “cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit” Ericsson 

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