Helm’s Hands, or Lack Thereof

After a Helm-centric conversation on Twitter, I was requested by Sean Gentille (@seangentille) to modify a well-known Pascal Dupuis doodle.

An excuse to draw Helmer? Yes please.

Saddest Helm
The requested version.
Happy Helm!
The more current version.
Confused Helm.
"My ridiculously circuitous plan is one-quarter complete!"

The last one, of course, references my first piece ever featured on The Production Line.

Give Our Creation… LIFE!

I’m sure everyone noticed that Johan Franzen took a Doan-assisted header into the boards early in yesterday’s game. When came back to the bench a period later with 21 stitches, cotton in his nose, and no visor, I think we all saw how badass hockey players can be. (And when Turris tore off a fingernail later in the game and was crying about it, well that just shows how  some hockey players can be total babies.)

Those stitches, added to the other cuts and scrapes on Franzen’s face, had some of us comparing him to a certain stitched-together, reanimated monster.

He doesn't like fire much either.
Thanks to Petrella for the inspiration.

Maybe when he needs a scoring boost we can hook up a car battery to those neck bolts and give him a jump.

If she weighed the same as a duck…

Among all the other things that happened at H2H2 (which, yes, there are some doodles that came out of that that I’ll eventually get on the internet), I was asked by the fellows at Winging It In Motown to assist them artistically with a few projects. At first I was hesitant, due our the deadly rivalry. But then when they told me it involved Monty Python and the Holy Grail, I knew that I had to do it, just so I could draw Pavel as   a snarky French guard.

Click here to read their brilliant write-up and see my accompanying illustrations.

Oh, and just so we’re clear, TPL FOR LIFE, BITCHES.

Burn her! BURN HER ANYWAY!
Jeff Hancock was totally asking for it, if you ask me.

Pictures are Worth a Thousand (Cuss) Words

I wanted to get these up before I depart for the H2H2 festivities tomorrow. A few more macro-style drawings for when you need to cuss at one of our players, much like the one I made for Hudler:

Maybe you should be wearing your glasses.
We aren't going to forgive you just because you're pretty.

And an alternate version:

For when he's done something REALLY stupid.
No kittens for you!

I find it entertaining that I’m posting this one after all the Tuzzilove on here the past two days. Don’t get me wrong, Bert’s grown on me the past season, and I love having him on the Wings. However, he still does some stupid shit sometimes and I’m still going to yell at him for it.

If you have any suggestions for players who regularly make you scream “DUDE WHAT ARE YOU DOOOOING?!” and you’d like to see them captioned with something similar, I’d be willing to give them a shot.

U-G-L-Y, You Ain’t Got No Alibi

The TPL/WIM NHL All-Star Fantasy Throwdown is well underway. The guys have done all the hard work of drafting our picks and setting up the roster, and I don’t have to do any of the push ups or drink-fetching in the highly unlikely event that we lose. (Right? I wasn’t consulted on this. And frankly, the idea of me doing push-ups is laughable. I can do, like, eight. Maybe.) They’re also on top of the shit-talking, which is good because all I’ve got in that repertoire is “SUCK IT” which I think is hilarious but isn’t very substantial.

So what’s the main way I can help? Cheerleading.

Actually, I’m a lot better at drawing. And I’m really good at drawing Shetuzzi.

So this happened.

K-I-L-L Kill it with fire, kill it with fire! Clap clap.
Shetuzzi makes everything better! Or ruins it. Whichever.

Well. At least we’ll strike fear into the hearts of our enemies.

For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow

The best present
You don't want to know what I had to do to get those.

I always forget that Darren Helm is six months younger than I am. Welcome to age 24, love, you’re off to a great start.

I have to say, when he got smacked earlier in the game, I was frozen with horror. I think I made a few whimpering noises and tweeted some incomprehensible. We certainly don’t need anymore injuries, and especially not one of our most effective forwards. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw the number 43 back on the ice. And when he scored the game winner in OT… well, I don’t think that I should be telling the internet about that reaction.

Now that he’s found those hands, I hope to see them used more frequently. I can’t wait.

I’m Official Now

Really, the ONLY thing one can say...

Hi. I’m Stevie, but you can call me Steven. You might know me from such bits of artistic genius known as HorseCop and the Rocky Horror Picture Show Pregame. With those gems on my resume, I’ve been asked by the fine chaps of TPL to be the “in-house” artist. Never did I imagine, when I first doodled a scary little caricature of our favorite little commissioner nearly 3 months ago, that my talent for drawing silly things would get me this far. I can’t promise great regularity, but when I can squeeze in time between observing ducks doin’ it, and verbally eviscerating college students, I’ll keep jailsexing your eyeballs with Shetuzzi doodles.

Before I stop typing and get back to drawing, I’d like to thank Discher, Hollis and Petrella for giving me the opportunity to play with the big boys. I’ll try not to girl it up around here.