Bingo, Curly Fries!

By now, you’ve heard the horrible news. The Detroit Red Wings’ fast food partner, Arby’s, has changed their special giveaway if a Red Wing nets a hat trick. Deviating from their classic and awesome Curly Fries, they’ve begun offering something called a Small Roast Beef Sandwich should a Winged Wheeler put their third puck in the back of the net.

Friends, this cannot stand.

Make no mistake — I’ve got no beef with the beef. In fact, those sandwiches are delicious. But there is a series of good reasons why we should band together and demand that the deal revert to its natural state: one in which Red Wings fans all over the nation get their delicious, deep-fried curlies the morning after an emotional offensive display. This campaign has absolutely nothing to do with The Production Line Store’s Curly Fries t-shirt, because it’s a well-known fact that each and every one of you have at least t-shirt in your wardrobe that’s deemed “vintage” or “classic” and — therefore — much cooler than the rest of your outfit-completing crew necks.

No. It goes deeper much than that.

First, Exhibit A. Take the following video as an example (hat tip to @bradonweb for passing along the video when we needed it most).

Hearing Mickey say “He’s thinking Small Roast Beef Sandwich” doesn’t have the same ring to it as “He’s thinking Curly Fries!” Likewise, “BINGO! SMALL ROAST BEEF SANDWICH” is very much the antithesis of the excitement every last one of us felt when we heard “BINGO! CURLY FRIES!”

Coupled with the fact that “Curly Fries” have become synonymous among Red Wings fans with dynamic scoring displays, and you’ve got a hell of an argument to keep Fries the Fast Food Face of the Franchise.

Exhibit B has more to do with frequency than urgency. In the past three seasons, there have only been THREE Red Wing hat tricks: the pictured Zetteronslaught of the Ducks last November, a three goal effort from Z in Game 2 of the Phoenix series last season, and a four-goal jailsexing of the Sharks at the hands of Johan Franzen this past May.

I’m sure Arby’s has a good reason to have changed their Hat Trick giveaway. And I’m sure it has something to do with money. Perhaps it’s cheaper to give away a Small Roast Beef Sandwich than it is to give away Curly Fries. Perhaps they’re hoping people will try a Sandwich and make Arby’s their meal of choice when they’ve only got a few minutes. My question to them is this: is it worth the extra few cents when it’s only been utilized three times — and your target audience is a little bit annoyed that they can’t get curly fries? I’m willing to bet a Curly Fries shirt that they simply don’t know people have noticed things have changed…

Exhibit C is courtesy of my wife, a noted vegetarian and the designer of more than one of the TPL Store’s trademark shirts — including Curly Fries. She caught wind of the changing Arby’s landscape during the last telecast and offered this: “I’m pissed. As a vegetarian, I’d much rather get my hands on some curly fries than dead animal flesh.”

I looked up from my juicy t-bone steak, which was topped with chicken wings and bacon, and realized that she had a point. Vegetarians and vegans may not make up a large percentage of Wings fans, but they’re there nonetheless, and they’re not rooting any less hard than the rest of us (though their lack of protein may prevent them from rooting AS LONG). They deserve to be rewarded by the Henrik Zetterbergs, Johan Franzens, and Pavel Datsyuks of the world just as the rest of us do.

So join us. Join us in the comments. Join us on “The Twitter” (using the hashtag #OperationCurlyFries). Join us on Facebook. Join us in spirit. Join us in legion. If we get 100 comments, we WILL bring this to Arby’s attention and be the mouthpiece for Red Wings Nation, fighting to get your Curly Fries back. Let us know how you feel and if it’s worth the effort.

Why now? Because we’re getting close… the Wings have had a few two-goal efforts lately, and we can all smell it. And, if I’m not mistaken, 100% of us are smelling curly fries.

Operation: Curly Fries.

***UPDATE***

From our good friend @lolabythebay, comes this wonderful photographic proof that we, as Red Wings, do in fact ADORE our curly fries following a hat trick. In this case, Franzen’s four goal playoff performance:

160 thoughts on “Bingo, Curly Fries!”

  1. They don’t honor this in Virginia but I’m right there with you for those in MI wanting CURLY FRIES. Didn’t we even start saying “going curly” for a hat trick? I think so. Better than “Going beefy”, that sounds worse.

  2. “I looked up from my juicy t-bone steak, which was topped with chicken wings and bacon, and realized that she had a point.”

    Please tell me this was an actual thing. Because, although I’ve just finished my own lunch (consisting of leftover roast beef and homemade chicken nuggets), my mouth started to water as soon as I read that.

  3. “I looked up from my juicy t-bone steak, which was topped with chicken wings and bacon, and realized that she had a point.”

    Please tell me this was an actual thing. Because, although I’ve just finished my own lunch (consisting of leftover roast beef and homemade chicken nuggets), my mouth started to water as soon as I read that.

  4. Point A. i. For a good bit after the featured Zetterberg hat trick Z’s nickname in the announcers booth was “Curly Fries”. Hearing them say “Datsyuk passes to Jr. Roast Beef Sandwich” is enough to mute the game and go back to the dulcet tones of fingernails on a chalkboard made of howling cats.

  5. “I looked up from my juicy t-bone steak, which was topped with chicken wings and bacon, and realized that she had a point.” WIN. Bring back the curly fries!

  6. Bring back the curly fries, damnit! I’ve never gotten curly fries after a Wings trick, deciding that the 14-hour drive from Kansas to Detroit might not be worth a free small order of the things, but the marketing campaign has soaked through Red Wings fandom like the juices of a small roast beef sandwich soak through the bun. I will never say “I’m thinkin’ roast beef” unless I’m trying to be gross.

  7. I’m glad to see that TPL is on top of the important issues and leading the way to make sure that the views of Wings fans are properly represented. Arby’s tried to pull a fast one on us but your top notch investigative reporting has the potential to save the day. Bring back curly fries……………..and the Mulestache.

  8. If they don’t bring back Curly Fries what is the point of life? Arby’s you don’t want this blood on your hands!

  9. Even if Arby’s doesn’t get on board with this, I think folks should walk into their local store and demand an order of curly fries when the Wings post their first three-banger of the year. I know I will, and I’ll be rocking my “I heart curly fries” shirt while I do it.

    Which makes me think we should drop the price for folks. A badge of honor, if you will. Hmmm…

  10. I never considered the plight of our vegetarian fans. Very important point.

    More importantly though is the universal chant, “We want Curly Fries.” It has such a ring to it. “We want a Jr. Roast Beef Sandwich” just sounds lame. And we can’t have that.

    I am all for this campaign. Bring back the Curly Fries!

  11. As a backup plan, I’m 100% comfortable referencing whoever racks up the first hattie as “The Big Montana.” I sincerely hope it’s Johan. Somehow that nickname already feels like a fit.

  12. Speaking for myself: if I got somewhere to pick up some fries (a simple snack), I’ll take it and leave. But if I go get a sandwich, chances are I buy a soda to side it (and maybe even some fries).

    Maybe that’s what they’re thinking.

    1. I’ve been in Arby’s locally for the last three curly fries events, and they’re always fairly busy. For the most part, from my perspective, it seemed people were getting curly fries in addition to meals. That might not be representative of their drive-thru sales, though.

      Does anybody remember if the original parameters of the contest involved free curly fries “with purchase” or not? I just assumed that was part of the deal.

  13. We haven’t had an Arby’s in this town since Methuselah was a baby, but I will side with the ‘We want Curly Fries’ group. Listen up Arby’s–Red Wing Nation is speaking!

  14. Preach it, boys. I know I was one of the Twitterers up in arms about it. I may not be able to cash in in California, but no one should get their delicious crunchy curly fries (with that one sauce I had at those Arby’s in Utah) replaced with some spongy bread and lukewarm rubbery meat.

  15. As a vegetarian I’m obviously against it, but I also can’t stop thinking of the broadcasting difficulties it’s going to create. I say they should create an acronym, but trim the initials down a tad.

    “Everyone’s getting BS.”

  16. I really miss the curly fries. Bring ’em back. Nothing against your sandwiches, Arby’s, both snacks are delish when drenched in Arby’s sauce. But for the love of God (see what I did there, Herm?) let Mick and Ken and Murph keep joking about Curly Fries.

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